Wanting quantity, needing quality

I’m a relatively new Christian. I returned to the Lord in 2003 after having been away since I was a teen in the 70’s. I went on to do exactly as I dreamed when I was a child, to work in the Main Public Library of San Francisco. I so much enjoyed having access to so many books, and so many points of view and so much knowledge. I became very greedy for knowledge and was fascinated by it all. I read books on Ancient Egyptian history, African American history, Black Literature, Feng Shui, Astrology-I really studied this one, Crystals, How to’s on every subject, Hair care, Fashion, Novels, back to religion–Wicca, native worship, voudou, nature worship, I even tried to read the Quran. This “wisdom” journey has taken me 25 years until I came full circle and finally picked up the Bible.

That’s when my new life began. I had to learn how to learn. I had to unlearn some habits that were not conducive to studying the Bible. I’m in the process of overcoming envious attitudes toward mature Christians who seemed to know the Lord better than I. I had an attitude of competition in the things of God. I wanted to be a prayer warrior because I saw someone who was. I wanted to preach like the best preachers and teach like the best teachers. I wanted to quote the Bible like those who do. I tried to learn Scriptures by rote memorization. My entire attitude was quantity so as to impress, rather than quality so as to influence.

I’m thankful to God for choosing me and I grateful for His love and patience in teaching me through the power of the Holy Spirit working in me. Seeking and learning of Jesus has been the best thing, the best journey of my life. I don’t regret my round about way back to Him but I’m so glad that I returned and belong to Jesus! His peace washes over me in my times of doubt, greed, self condemnation, confusion, selfishness–and I still experience all of these and many other emotions, but I learn deeper lessons through each situation. Bless the Lord for He is Good and His mercy endures forever.

My advice for living in these extremely difficult times: JESUS is the answer!

Blessings

(Originally published at wrestlegod.blogspot in July 2009)

2 Comments Add yours

  1. >"I had to learn how to learn. I had to unlearn some habits that were not conducive to studying the Bible. I'm in the process of overcoming envious attitudes toward mature Christians who seemed to know the Lord better than I."Anna, you are so honest here and put into words what I have been through and still fall into at times although I am praying with God's grace I will slowly be able to quench the seekings of my ego. Thank you for your blog – I will add you to my blogroll. Many of the things you say echo the thoughts of my own heart. In your latest post you talk about the arrogance I was so careful to guard against yesterday as I shared my faith with some pagan friends. Only God knows if I remained true to him, I guess. I will drop by often. BlessingsRachel

  2. Anna Renee says:

    >Thanks, Rachel! You're my first comment! This blogging thing is so great that it has to be a gift from God! Learning to follow Jesus and conform to His will is very difficult at times-I feel like I take 1 step forward 2 back, 2 forward, 1 back, etc. But it is so beautiful at the same time! Im sure you know what I mean!

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