Steve Harvey is VERY funny! You know it, I know it and we both like that about him. He makes us laugh, and his hair and suits are tight! But Steve don’t know Jack about Black Womanhood. What’s worse is he doesn’t know that he doesn’t know. I’m just saying.
I decided to read his book, Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man, after all the hoopla. I remember when it first came out, a sister friend of mine excitedly showed me a couple of chapters in her copy of the book. That chapter that talks about the black woman needing a gay man, an ugly man, an old man, and a Mandingo man. To round everything out, I guess. Hmmpt! Even as she was so excited about how much Steve supposedly knew, I decided that I would reject reading the book.
So all the buzz happened, Steve got all kinds of accolades for his outstanding insight about black women, and the “Steve knows” train passed through the station. It left, y’all. So it’s at this time that I decided to read his book after all. It’s also because I happened to see two copies of it on the shelf at the library (a sure sign of waning popularity) when I was doing other research. The book was a boring read, and a hot mess, whether or not you take it comedy. I was unable to read it through to the end. I managed to read about 3/4 of it, though.
I can’t get too mad at a brother. He said it himself in the beginning of the book, he’s a hustler and being on top of his game is a must. He waxed pathetic about his swagga and his game, and how he set his goals and reached them, no problem! I ain’t hating on a brother, but there is such a thing as tooting one’s own horn too long. One might sound as though one is farting.
So why do I think that Steve’s book is crap? Because it’s full of old school playa moves. That playa……from the Himalayas!! Because he excuses black men from even being men, right off the bat. Because he calls the brothers dogs in more ways than one. Because he doesn’t give black men the benefit of having a brain in their head, or a spirit in their being! In Steve’s world, brothers just want “the cookie” to use his words, and if they don’t get “the cookie” from one woman, they gonna get “the cookie” from another woman. In Steve’s world, men are incapable of being intellectual regarding male/female relationships.
Unless the black woman makes him, through manipulation. She’s got to play him like a fiddle to get her desired results of a full man (as if she had that kind of power). For example when he’s acting doggish and cheating on her, she should manipulate him by threatening to leave. Then she should leave, Steve says. No if and or buts. This way, the man comes to understand that she means business and quickly reforms and stops his doggy style ways. Steve says that’s what HIS woman had to do, and it worked! O’ Tay!! But what about knowing right from wrong and choosing right, Steve Harvey? On your own because you’re a real black man, a man of integrity? Not because you’re a momma’s baby boy, with your mother/woman standing over your shoulder making you, as though you’re a foolish child?
According to Steve’s reasoning, the entire onus for the black male/female relationship is on the woman, and the man is just a boy-child, playing school boy games. He needs to be taught how to be a man by a woman (the irony) who can somehow convince him! When that epic black woman hits the scene, she’s supposed to be able to transform the man, merely by her dazzling goddess-like presence! The thing that going to make him do right is the fact that she’s got everything he needs! She’s the complete package! She’s got the looks, the clothes, the moves, and the booty–the right stuff! Steve conveniently ignores the fact that these very attributes are what attracted him to his first woman, and her having the entire package didn’t stop him from turning away from her and to the next woman! Unfortunately, there are a lot of regular sisters who need the protection, guidance and leadership of a regular black man, whose truly got his “ish” together!!!
As you all can see, I’m oh so tired of this stuff. It’s more than ridiculous, because it feeds into the worse Racist and Oppressive black male stereotypes! That black men are deficient and incapable of being men. They can’t learn it, and there’s no one in the black community who can teach it. It feeds into this Fatally Flawed and False idea that black women HAVE to be the “responsible” ones all alone. And it’s their fate to expect little or nothing, or even less than nothing from the black man. And we wonder why so many black MEN are frustrated! Why oh why are so many black women frustrated. They are being bamboozled by people like Steve Harvey, who was hoodwinked by the game! They don’t even recognize the subtle manipulations that are going on under the surface. So brothers end up confused, and filled with hate against the black woman. They think the answer lies in another race of woman, any woman except the black woman! According to Steve, sex is the answer to all of this alienation for the black man, and black women need to take the reigns and figure out how to tame and domesticate this beast that is the black man! OH, HOW I HATE THIS!!!!
Many black people, even brothers themselves, believe right now that the black man as leader in his household, as provider, as spiritual guide, as protector in his own house is non-existant, and it can never happen. And black women, who are desparately seeking true black men, are frustrated all the more when an Old School playa from the Himalayas like Steve Harvey comes pimp rolling along from the sidelines, in his fishbowl platform shoes, pretending like he has The Answer. Once again, instead of being a guide for the woman, who desperately needs and wants it, the black man is steered in the direction of being a nothing–to himself and his woman.
I’m going to give Steve Harvey the benefit of the doubt. I don’t believe he thinks he really knows the deep desires of a black woman, nor how black men and women can build lasting relationships with each other in and extremely oppressive and racist society. He obviously has never progressed past the simplistic playa knowledge–G’s up, Ho’s down! After all, he openly blames us (if he cheated, you should have known he was a dog and not been with him! If he called you at night, you should have known it was a booty call, and not gone!) He has never learned how to be a true black man, who KNOWS how to properly guide a woman and bring out the best in her, so that she might blossom and bring him all of her beauty and tenderness, which is what the black man desperately craves.
Because Steve is unable to get beyond his playa stance, he is very contemptuous of black women’s apparent weakness to men’s games. He’s unable to see women for who they truly are, and unable to redirect a woman in a positive way if he needed to. Misogynistic is the word. Profound weakness is the word.
PS: One more thing to say – The Ma’ats, a young black couple who are doing the damn thing!!! Steve Harvey, please call them up. They younger than you, but they could teach you some thangs. https://nachalooman.wordpress.com/2011/12/20/aiyanna-and-ayize-maat-teach-us-about-black-love-and-marriage/
- Steve Harvey vs Cornel and Tavis-Game Recognize Game! (nachalooman.wordpress.com)
- Did Steve Harvey Have His Ex-Wife Thrown In Jail AGAIN? (hellobeautiful.com)
- The Black Miracle – Dr. Na’im Akbar (nachalooman.wordpress.com)
- Black Male and Female Relational Fragmentation – Dr. Na’im Akbar (nachalooman.wordpress.com)
- How NOT To Fall Out of Love With Black Folks (nachalooman.wordpress.com)
- The Antidote To Raising Our Sons to be Whores (nachalooman.wordpress.com)