I’m A Runner When Love Gets Tough!

My running is based more on what he says than what he does. 

I’m sensitive to the way people talk to each other.   What one says and how one says it means a lot to me.  I read volumes into this type of thing.  So when BNO says certain things in certain ways, I believe I know what he is trying to communicate.  Sometimes, though, he’s really not being that deep.  He’s just being him.  And then he goes and says something that I really hate.  Maybe it was the truth or maybe his version of it.  But I do my own personal reading of what he meant.  I read between the lines of his words and his tone of voice.  If I read into it something that I don’t like, I just might get heated.  That’s when I have to run away for a time.   Not far, maybe just to the bedroom with a book or magazine in hand, or maybe to the store for window shopping.  Or maybe to the library, my fav place.  The library is so quiet and smells like old wood and old paper.  It’s filled with so many things to read and ways to lose myself.  It’s very calming to me. 

The thing about this running is that it pisses BNO off.  He hates it when I run.

Before you all start thinking that those folks must be crazy up in they house, let me say that we ain’t crazy!  We ain’t dys-func-tion-al up in here!  Ain’t no Frankie and Neffe up in this house!   I hate the word dYsfunctional because it sounds too much like it looks.  Don’t it LOOK stupid on paper?  So harsh looking with the letter Y in there!  Plus people like to throw it around so as to elevate themselves over you, the “dysfunctional” one!   No, there’s  no dysfunction here.  There’s only living life.  I prefer using the word “issues” because it sounds better.  You can’t really say it in a hard, harsh accusatory condemning way, plus it looks pretty on paper.  Those two SS look so feminine! 

BNO and I have our issues.  He likes to say what he wants without biting his tongue.  I like to be very careful of others’ feelings before I speak.  So when these types of misunderstandings happen, I run away for a while.  Not all the time though.  Running gives me the space to get myself back together mentally, to cool off and come down off the high horse.  I can get a little snobbish about certain things.  When I run away,  I have time to try to see things  from BNO’s perspective.  Sometimes I agree with his perspective after all, and sometimes I don’t.   Isn’t it interesting how we tend to expect people to be exactly like we are?  I’m a sensitive soul, and I tend to expect BNO to say only what I would say, the way I would say it.  When he says it the way HE would,  I don’t like it too much.   Hmmmm….

So I run away.  Sometimes I run away in my car or I run away by taking a walk.  This is a good one, because I get a little exercise in.   By now you’re probably wondering about us.  Well, don’t you judge me, or BNO!!   I’m aware that there are some couples who NEVA have any problems in their relationships.  They just go smooth sailing every day and every minute–they all lovey dovey and ish!  Good for you!   😉    But for the rest of us, we have to put in work in our relationships!  Things may get a little rocky, but the make up time is so sweet!!!   Maybe we breaking up just to make up!  I don’t  know, y’all!  I’m just trying to live!   Imma go get some ice cream right now, or a piece of cheese!    Help me Jesus! 

I bet you all have your own ways of dealing with your mate when they do things that you don’t like!   Share!

17 Comments Add yours

  1. James McCoy says:

    Anna so honest and so real,when I started reading this post I said this is my house!lol,thanks for sharing something that is so real to more people then you may think!

    1. Anna Renee says:

      See, BigMac, it’s not “dysfunction” it’s just reality!!!

  2. Dr. Lyrical says:

    Have you ever heard of someone converting from being a “runner” to a “stay and solve it on the spotter”?

    1. Anna Renee says:

      I ain’t never heard of that, Dr. Lyrical!!

      I don’t stay gone, I come back and we solve whatever the issue was! I cant stay gone from my boo for more than a little while–the time it takes for me to miss him!

      Be honest, Dr! Sometimes it can’t be solved on the spot because our emotions get in the way!!
      (I bet you a runner, just like me! I wont tell nobody, its our little secret) LOL!! Happy Saturday to you!

      1. Dr. Lyrical says:

        True love does that to you it is like a yo yo no matter how hard you are thrown you come back but sometimes the string breaks and you go rolling on (like with your first one “Bacardi and coke with my first one”)

        Lol We nah runnah – but sometimes you are right emotions run a little too high and you say something you can never undo…..you spoke truth on that one….

  3. asabagna says:

    Malibu Rum and Gingerale works for me… hmmmmm… then I read some “Anna Renee is Still Talking”… [;o)

    1. Anna Renee says:

      It used to be Bacardi and coke with my first one!!! He was a mess so I had Vodka and OJ on the side! HAA HAA!

      (He’s all good now, Christianity and maturity does wonders! Don’t get mad RTO)

      Thanks Brother Asa!

  4. Jason says:

    Anna, I was a runner in the past. Maturity has taught me to stay calm and to listen with my mind completely open.

    I am with you Anna, the way things are said matters to me. I don’t respond well to aggressive tones or physical gestures. Even when I am aggravated with my wife, I still love her and I keep that in mind when she is mouthing off…LOL!

    My wife and I are pretty good communicators and we enjoy talking things out.(Sometimes we’ll talk for hours.) I love my wife and what she thinks matters. I know she loves me, so I never feel like I am being emasculated or disrespected in anyway, and that is motivation for me to hear her out. (And, I am not the easiest person to deal with at times.)

    1. Anna Renee says:

      Hi Jason! Congrats to you and your wife!

      Developing communication skills is paramount for a good relationship, especially black folks in an oppressive society.
      You said your wife “mouths off” Hmmm…. Why do you menz keep saying this? My husband calls it “Overtalking”
      Y’all know that the minute we stop talking, is the minute you all become concerned! “Baby what’s wrong, you so quiet!” 😉
      At least it’s that way for me and BNO! He wants me to walk this extremely fine line of talking just enough! Impossible, I tell you!

      Ain’t love grand?!!

      1. Dr. Lyrical says:

        LMAO HA HA Yep cant have your lady all quiet for any reason…. Looks like Nubian Queen Anna Renee knows about the importance of communication skills – we wonder where she got it from………hmmmmm…

        Reminds us of that song by the O’Jays “Cry Together”

        “You know, me and my woman
        We’ve been goin’ through a lot of changes for about six months or so
        It’s been real hard to talk to one another
        You know a relationship ain’t nothin’ without communication”

        1. Anna Renee says:

          I LOVED this song! Even as a teen, I knew it was a deep song. I hadn’t experienced anything but I still connected with this song!!! I haven’t heard it in a minute!!
          It sums up this post absolutely perfectly. You ARE a lyrical Doctor!

          Thanks, Dr. Lyrical!! 😀

          1. Dr. Lyrical says:

            You are welcome but let it be known that all honor and praise go unto you Nubian Queen Anna Renee – we thank you for your compliment and thank you even moreso for blessing us with your wisdom weekly!

  5. Melzie says:

    I’m a sensitive runner too, although I rarely show it. As much as it stings, you always learn something new about your connection. I sure would like to meet the “‘perfect” couple, you and I both know they’re hiding the truth…lol

    1. Anna Renee says:

      True dat!! True dat! I believe they don’t truly exist! But I have to say that every time my husband and I get into it, we come out stronger! It’s so ironic that pain suffered makes one grow if they bear it properly–without bitterness and if they learn the lesson. I’ve learned so much about myself and so has my husband about himself!

  6. Mark says:

    You wish BNO to be a bit more measured with his words… he wishes that you would stay and settle it right there, once and for all. He confronts and you retreat… leaves both of you equally at odds.

    Sounds about right!! Relationships are an ‘all in or all out’ kind of deal. If he was being satisfied by having you stand there and being battered by his words (which are mostly no intended to wound) and he is confustrated by your ‘running’, means there is room and space for you to eventually talk and have honest conversation about what is what.

    This way no one ‘wins’ and no one ‘loses’… the relationship stabilizes and grows from there. But I have been single for about 4 years and my starter marriage imploded, so what do I know?

    1. Anna Renee says:

      Yes, brother! We had to learn how to balance it all out! And being two big headed people, it took a while. It was love that held everything together for us.

      Stamina and a high threshold for pain is necessary when a relationship is settling in–when the lovey dovey phase is past. Because we relax and we are being ourselves which could be offensive to our mate! smile

      But after a while, acceptance and forgiveness is what keeps it together, because you refuse to take your partner’s slights personally. You think to yourself, oh, he’s being a little thoughtless today…OK, I see. I’ll let that slide, he might be stressed about something.

      That’s the ideal place you want to be after a while. Sometimes I’m there, and other times I’m not. The ratio is getting better and better!!!

      Brother Mark, have you considered trying again?

  7. Dr. Lyrical says:

    You know a lot just because your “Starter marriage imploded” does not mean you did not learn anything. And there is a balance to everything …… years of marriage = years of reflection with yourself. that is the balance

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