Ladies, Do You Flirt or Flaunt?

Ladies, I have been thinking about this for a while, and I’m curious to know how you all deal with this issue.

I remember when I was working in an auto detail shop a few years back, and a good looking brother came in to get some information.  As men are apt to do, he starting flirting with me.  Of course, since I was married, I didn’t give any flirt back at him.    😐  Right as I was about to tell him what we offered, his woman came in.  Let me tell you all, the look on her face said,   “Oooh, I wasn’t expecting a sister to be up in here!  I should NOT have let you come in here first like that!!  This here sister probably gonna try to steal you right out from under me!!”
(I don’t know if she was thinking all that, but her face was expressive)

So sister girl proceeded to grab brother man’s hand real tight, to let me know that he was all hers!  I was smiling inside,   🙂  but remained professional.  Then sister girl, a very light skinned, redheaded freckled face beauty, went a bit further–to make sure that I understood that I was to keep mah hands offa her man by saying, “Yes I’m the wife of Doctor So and So!”  Yes chile, that brother was a doctor!   My inward-facing smile widened.  😀  At that time, Doctor So and So lowered the wattage on his own smile, and went into professional mode for the rest of the transaction.

I also went into a particular mode:  I did my best to not smile or show any kind of flirt whatsoever.  I kept my eyes offa that man unless he was talking directly to me, and even then I put my eyes squarely on the paperwork in front of me.  Whenever I looked up, I made eye contact with Mrs. Doctor first, then him.  As she saw me doing this, I guess she decided that I was NOT gonna try to steal her Doctor out from under her.   She was then able to relax.

Yes, I did that whole thing just for her, just to reassure her that I indeed had no intentions of trying to take her man.  But I do this kind of thing to a lesser extent on a regular basis.  Whenever I’m out and about, and I come upon a couple, I always close up any open blouses, pull down the skirt, and tuck in the butt.   I don’t know why I do this, but I always start to wonder if the woman may be insecure about her man.  I never want to make any sister feel that insecurity just because I’m around.  I notice though, that many women are not trying to do all of that and they just act like their normal beautiful, bootylicious selves, and if it seems like flirting, then so be it!

Am I Doing Way Too Much?

12 Comments Add yours

  1. indyink says:

    I’ve lost jobs and friendships because a wife or girlfriend decided I shouldn’t be around her guy. This is weird because I just don’t chase men, nor do I flirt with people who belong to someone else. I’ve had to make peace with the fact that I can’t control another woman’s judgment of me, especially if she views other women through the lens of her suspicions and insecurities.

    If you dress appropriately for work and you don’t come on to someone else’s guy, trying to fix how other women perceive you is an impossible kind of people-pleasing… and that will rob you of the peace you deserve.

    The only weapon I’ve been able to use against another woman’s judgment is a disarming sense of humor. If you’re hilarious, sometimes she’ll feel respected, and like you are a friendly soul. It’s all you can do.

    Thanks for sharing. 🙂


    1. Anna Renee says:

      Yes, Indy, I’m thinking it’s not really my fault! But I can’t help if they man is looking at me, but at least I tuck it in, and not poke out, if I can help it.

  2. When a woman assumes I’m trying to steal her man, it annoys the ever living hell out of me. Seriously, I find such presumptions offensive.

    So, being the sadist that I am, I turn on the charm, the wit, and make the next several moments of her life a living hell.

    1. Anna Renee says:

      Girl, you crazy!! 😀

      1. Maybe, maybe not.

        Thing is, when you’re in a relationship, if you want to keep it healthy and harmonious, at some point you have to just trust. Why get your blood pressure all up because your man has to complete a friggin’ transaction with a random woman – I mean, WTF is that? If it’s that bad, then maybe you two don’t need to be together.

      2. Anna Renee says:

        Sister, I could never spend my time on watch like that. For me that speaks of all kinds of wrongness:
        1. That the man is a childish. When my son was a toddler, I watched him closely, but one day he forgot he couldn’t yet walk, and ran down the stairs in his baby walker. My close watch didn’t stop that from happenening, and he got all banged up!

        2. Uber-insecurity! Is that a word? I just created it then.
        3. Wasting of my time! I can’t blog if I got to watch brotherman’s every move. Hey, I got a life, in spite of your idiocy.
        4. Self victimization. I’m just not down with that.
        5. HIV/AIDS – Hey, I still have a book to write, and I will not risk my life!
        6. If brotherman wants to be with other women, wifey simply CANNOT stop him. Point blank! Women, take note.
        7. Chasing after your man diminishes HIM! Yes it does, by dumbing him down, as Lisa Simpson would say.
        I’ll stop here.

        BTW, you may know this but when African Americans call someone “crazy” in this context, it means that they are boldly speaking the truth. Back in slavery days, black folks speaking boldly could get us killed, so whenever someone did anyway, we admiringly called them crazy! It’s still part of our culture.

  3. Reggie says:

    You women are something!!!!

    1. Anna Renee says:

      Yes we are Reggie! Yes we are!

  4. Mark says:

    I think you were and do WAY too much..! Either you are interested in the cat or no… some women know that they have a stray cat and that, along with society, makes them insecure.

    Not like I am that pretty ore anything but a time or two I have had women ogle me when I am out with someone. But I remind whoever I am with at that time, that there are men (whether there are or not!) who scope her the same way! Anywho, she isn’t the only one who likes to shop at Sears, and I ain’t that special… but you make me feel like I am..!

    I also have to add that a couple of these comments also explain why women have it so rough ‘in the field of play’. Showing out and making things harder on a sister with insecurities about her man on REINFORCES the meme that black women enjoy stealing each other’s men and takes some of the blame off the rouge brother. Vainglorious..!

    1. Anna Renee says:

      “…But I remind whoever I am with at that time, that there are men (whether there are or not!) who scope her the same way!..”
      Or whether you NOTICED him scoping her! Ha, you menz have perfected the art of looking, without moving your eyes! Y’all can check out a lady while still looking at the one you with!

      I don’t be interested, but sister girl gonna act all funny, because she believes that stereotype that all black women ARE interested in ANY black man, especially somebody elses! It’s like the stereotype we sisters have to deal with when we go shopping that we automatically are gonna steal so the whole sales staff is watching us! I’m overcompensating, but for my sister’s sake. Still doing too much though, huh?

  5. rosewater says:

    it might be straight insecurity or it might be because their men have the tendency to flirt with other women or maybe have cheated or are being suspected of doing so. Either way, must be exhausting for the woman that always has to be on guard like that…I’d rather be single than live that way.

    1. Anna Renee says:

      It’s probably all of the above but personally I can’t do all of that obsessing just to say I got me a beautiful black doctor! He can’t really be hers if she’s so afraid that any woman can take him.

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